1-Sentence-Summary: The Power of Regret is a deep dive into an emotion we all experience, outlining in three parts why regret makes us more human, not less, which four core regrets plague us all, and how we can accept and reshape our mistakes into better futures instead of keeping them as skeletons in our closets.
Read in: 4 minutes
Favorite quote from the author:
In 1888, Alfred Nobel was given a unique opportunity: He found out what people would think of him after he died. One April morning, he read his own obituary in the newspaper, which had been published by accident after what was actually his brother’s death. “The Merchant of Death is dead,” the paper celebrated, pinning Nobel, who had invented dynamite, as a greedy, immoral man only interested in profits.
Of course today, the first thing you think about when you hear the name “Nobel” is not dynamite. It is the Nobel Prize, an award created by the same man after this rather drastic wake-up call. In The Power of Regret, Daniel Pink tells his story — and explains how you, too, can use regret to turn your life around.
Here are 3 lessons from this instant New York Times bestseller:
- There are 2 kinds of regret, and while one paralyzes us, the other spurs us into action.
- Consider regret a stock in your emotional portfolio. This way, you’ll have an easier time accepting it.
- You can deal with regret productively in 3 ways: fix it, reconsider it, or analyze it and make a plan to improve.
Let’s learn how to make the most of our mistakes!
Lesson 1: There is unproductive regret and productive regret; one paralyzes, the other catalyzes.
When I was 16, I was in love with my best friend. For the better part of three years, I lamented countless of our interactions — but I also never told her how I actually felt. “Why didn’t I take her hand here? What if I had…?” According to Pink, the problem with all these regrets is not that I had them. It’s that I allowed them to remain unproductive.
There are two kinds of regret, Pink says:
- Unproductive regret, which paralyzes us. All we do is wallow in our misery and imagine how things could have been different.
- Productive regret, which catalyzes us. This happens when we accept our regret, reflect on it, and use it as a springboard for change.
Some regrets are so strong, it is almost impossible not to act on them. If your house burns down because you left a lit cigar on your dining table, there’s a bih chance you’ll buy fire insurance next time. Other regrets, however, just feel painful. When we can’t bring ourselves to face that pain, we allow regret to hold us down by keeping us in place.
It is only when we analyze and learn from the regret that we make it productive. That choice is up to us, and we can make it at any time. In my case, I eventually vowed to always share my feelings openly and honestly, even if it feels like it’s “too soon.” That behavior has helped me a lot since then.
So even years later, we can still turn unproductive regret into productive regret — it’s never too late to learn from your mistakes.
Lesson 2: Think of regret as only one “stock” in your emotional portfolio to better accept its presence in your life.
You’ve heard it a million times: “No regrets!” It’s a slogan printed on t-shirts, the title of self-help books, and a YOLO-esque battle cry of friends on the prowl, usually followed by doing something stupid.
According to Daniel Pink, rather than decry regret as the devil, we should think of it as just one “stock” in our well-diversified portfolio of various emotions, he suggests. When it comes to stocks, you don’t want just one kind. If you only have tech stocks, you’re vulnerable in a recession. But if you balance them with staples and commodities, one part of your portfolio will be winning in every market.
Just like “boring” stocks still have their place in an innovation-focused portfolio, negative emotions help us balance the drawbacks of our more positive feelings. Where excitement can make us careless, fear allows us to spot threats in advance. Where indulgence can get us addicted, disgust keeps us from swallowing spoiled food. And where pride can go to our heads, regret ensures we learn, get better, and become the best we can be.
If you deny regret, you’ll also deny all the growth that can come from it. Imagine your range of emotions as a well-diversified portfolio of stocks, and you’ll remember that bad feelings, too, have a purpose in your life.
Lesson 3: There are 3 good ways to handle regret: Undo it, “at least” it, or analyze and strategize.
So, how can you turn a specific regret from unproductive into productive? Pink suggests 3 approaches:
- Undo it. Most of our mistakes are reversible. If you bought a car at a price you now realize you couldn’t really afford, sell it! You might take a slight loss, but at least you won’t be stuck with expensive car payments for years.
- “At least” it. If you can’t undo the regret, try changing your perspective. What good thing came out of the bad? I, for example, hated studying such long hours every day while in college — but it taught me how to focus for a long time and how to get to the core of a big subject quickly. Those are some huge benefits, and I never would have attained them if it weren’t for those annoying study marathons!
- Analyze and strategize. This is an additional and the most important step. What can you learn from your regret that’ll allow you to take better action today? You can’t unsend the report full of typos at work, but you can set up a reminder to double-check each future presentation before it goes out!
Everyone feels regret. Pink quotes a study from the 2020 American Regret Project, showing 99% of people experience it, almost half of them frequently.
To use this universal emotion to your benefit rather than detriment, the next time you feel a pang of regret, try undoing it, being grateful for one of its side effects, or jumping into analyzing and strategizing. That’s how looking back helps us move forward — and taking the next step in our lives deliberately is something we’ll never regret.
The Power of Regret Review
I enjoy the recent trend of books analyzing particular emotions in depth. It helps us appreciate negative feelings like grief, melancholy, and, in this case, regret. The Power of Regret is a contrarian read in a positivity-focused industry, written by a positive person — and while it forces us to open some scary doors, it ultimately brings us back to the uplifting spirits and trajectory we want to be in and on. Well done, Daniel Pink!
Who would I recommend our The Power of Regret summary to?
The 15-year-old teenager who had their first big falling out with one of her best friends, the 55-year-old teacher who regrets never traveling abroad, and anyone who has a discomforting feeling in their gut whenever someone yells “No regrets!”