She Comes First Summary

1-Sentence-Summary: She Comes First is sex therapist Dr. Ian Kerner’s guide to improving sex by emphasizing the female orgasm, explaining why changing your mindset about sex and focusing on the stimulation of the right places in the right ways can be more enjoyable than intercourse for both men and women.

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She Comes First Summary

Do you remember your sex ed class? How inadequate, awful, and awkward it was? Most of us don’t learn a thing in these classes. Whatever we do figure out about our body and how it connects with another, we’ll have to learn in private and the hard way. As a result, many of us suffer from a less-than-great sex life.

Since school leaves us wanting, we fall for myths around great sex. For example, you don’t have to have sex every time you and your partner are in bed. In fact, foregoing sex sometimes is a key to higher pleasure when you do make love.

Luckily, we can all improve our bedroom skills and boost our love life in wonderful ways. It begins with learning about female sexual anatomy and how to use that knowledge. This is exactly what you’ll learn in Dr. Ian Kerner’s bestselling book She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

Let’s see how much we can discover in just 3 lessons:

  1. Penetrative sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, there are better ways to reach climax.
  2. If you want to have great sex, you’ve got to gain a better understanding of what the clitoris is, where to find it, and how to stimulate it for maximum pleasure.
  3. In addition to foreplay, there are two other stages of the sexual experience that will take your sex life to a whole new level.

Are you ready to have a better time when you’re in between the sheets with your lover? Let’s get right into these lessons and find out how!

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Lesson 1: Not all ways to reach sexual climax are equal.

Fair warning, what we’re about to get into is not safe for work. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read it at home! 

You also want to go into this recognizing that everybody is different when it comes to sex. The most important thing is to communicate with your partner to find out what they enjoy and don’t. And always respect your partner’s desires.

Most people think that success between the sheets depends on size and thrusting. But the truth is that women can orgasm in different ways, and not all are created equal. The key to the best orgasms for women is understanding the clitoris.

Research reveals that the clitoris is far more sensitive the vaginal wall.

Some argue that the G-spot is in the vagina and that’s where the best orgasms happen. But the G-spot is actually part of the clitoris, and the reason it sets of pleasure signals is because it gets stimulated during intercourse.

The truth is, unless you want a baby, you don’t even have to include penetration to have great sex!

And if you still doubt the power of the clitoris, consider this. There are people without a vagina that still have external genitals and they can still have orgasms.

Lesson 2: Get to know the clitoris, it’s location, and how to stimulate it if you want to have the best sex of your life.

If you’re starting to catch on you might now wonder how to stimulate the clitoris correctly. The key is cunnilingus, which is oral sex on a woman. But to get it right, you first have to understand the anatomy of the area.

Some people refer to the clitoris as the happy maker, orgasm switch, or love button. That might make it seem easy to simply push it to give a woman an orgasm, but it’s more complex than that. 

The entire clitoris actually goes from the top of the pubic bone all the way to the anus, and has a head, shaft, and base, among other parts. Some of it’s areas you can’t even see! Everything together makes up 8,000 nerve endings, which is more than anywhere else on the female body. 

You need to know about the ten highly sensitive spots of the clitoris if you want to get sexual stimulation on a woman right:

  • Head
  • G-Spot
  • Pubic mound
  • Front commissure
  • Frenulum
  • Labia minora
  • Vaginal entrance
  • Fourchette
  • Perineum
  • Anus

You can stimulate each of these parts during sex for maximum pleasure, but you’ve got to set the stage and plan on the right acts, which is what you’ll learn next.

Lesson 3: Don’t just think of sex in terms of foreplay and intercourse, it’s about foreplay, coreplay, and moreplay.

It might be easy to just think of sex in terms of preparing, getting it done, and then falling asleep. But this is what average people do and they don’t have great sex. If you really want to reach a new level of pleasure, you should go for multiple orgasms. 

This is where the three acts of sex become important. They are:

  • Foreplay
  • Coreplay
  • Moreplay

During foreplay, you want to focus on building sexual tension by doing things that build anticipation for the climax. Avoid contact with genitals for the first 15 minutes to help you accomplish this. 

When you get this right, it prepares a woman’s body for sex. It releases chemicals, her skin gets more sensitive, and her breasts swell. 

Coreplay comes next, and this is time to perform cunnilingus, which the author goes into more detail about in the book. This is the stage where everything swells as you stimulate the clitoris. It eventually comes to a climax in an orgasm. 

The final step is the key to greater sex, and involves helping a woman have another orgasm. During moreplay, her body returns to the state it was in during foreplay. In other words, it’s ready to build up to another climax and just needs the right stimulation for that to happen.

She Comes First Review

Even though I felt a little awkward about this one at first, I’m super glad I read She Comes First. The thing about sex is that nobody talks about it, which means that relationships suffer from sex illiteracy and many never find out that they can have great sex or how it’s done. If we were all a little more open about these things and read more books like this one, I think everybody would be happier.

Who would I recommend the She Comes First summary to?

The 37-year-old man who wants to improve his wife’s experience in the bedroom, the 23-year-old woman who thinks she knows everything about having great sex, and anyone that would like to become a better lover.

Last Updated on July 23, 2023

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Luke Rowley

With over 450 summaries that he contributed to Four Minute Books, first as a part-time writer, then as our full-time Managing Editor until late 2021, Luke is our second-most prolific writer. He's also a professional, licensed engineer, working in the solar industry. Next to his day job, he also runs Goal Engineering, a website dedicated to achieving your goals with a unique, 4-4-4 system. Luke is also a husband, father, 75 Hard finisher, and lover of the outdoors. He lives in Utah with his wife and 3 kids.