1-Sentence-Summary: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus helps you improve your relationships by identifying the key differences between men and women.
Read in: 4 minutes
Favorite quote from the author:
Table of Contents
Tom and Mary have a relationship in which they are tired of dealing with the same issues over and over again. There is nothing wrong with them. They simply fail to understand the differences between men and women. Like Tom and Mary, many couples fall into such patterns that turn a loving relationship into a failed one.
Men and women think differently. They have distinct emotional needs and communication preferences. If you’re among the many who find it difficult to read the opposite gender, John Gray‘s Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex will enlighten you.
Once you know how you and your partner differ, you’ll see each other from a new perspective and understand each other better. This knowledge will improve your relationship and resolve many of the struggles that arise from misunderstandings.
Here are my 3 favorite lessons from the book:
- Women want men to listen to them while men desire solutions to problems.
- Men are motivated when they feel useful, women are inspired when they feel loved.
- Women and men communicate differently and assign separate meanings to the same words.
Let’s look more closely at these distinctions between men and women!
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Summary
Lesson 1: Men need to process their problems in their head while women want verbal communication.
After a long day at work, Tom and Mary come home with work-related issues on their mind. As they both sit down for dinner, Mary starts talking about how her boss is making her work too much. Tom, being the problem-solver he is, starts offering solutions. This upsets Mary since she only needs Tom to listen to help her feel better.
Tom, on the other hand, wants to solve his work-related issues in solitude or by taking his mind off work while watching TV. He only feels the need to talk to Mary about a problem when he wants her to give him a solution. Mary feels sad because Tom isn’t talking about what’s bothering him as she does.
In both cases, Tom and Mary try to fulfill each other’s needs the wrong way, so they end up fighting. To solve this issue, Tom can listen to Mary without offering solutions unless she specifically asks for help. Mary can let Tom process his emotions by himself when he needs to.
As a man, you can let women talk without offering solutions and deal with your own issues later. As a woman, you can wait for men to solve their problems by themselves until they feel better.
Lesson 2: Women need to feel loved, whereas men like the sense that they are useful.
One Sunday afternoon, Tom decides to fix a broken bookshelf by himself. After watching Tom work for hours, Mary tells him to call his brother for help. Tom doesn’t like the advice because he wants to feel useful by fixing the bookshelf by himself. All he needs from Mary is an appreciation of his efforts and trust in his skills.
Mary, on the other hand, does all the dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, and other household tasks on most days. She is happy to do this work, but when Tom doesn’t acknowledge the care she provides, Mary starts resenting him. If Tom appreciated the small things Mary does for him, he would fulfill Mary’s need to be loved and respected.
In both cases, a lack of voluntary appreciation creates tension and needless problems.
As a woman, you can show men that you trust them and let them help when they want to, so they’ll feel useful. As a man, you can repeatedly show women how much you love them to make them feel fulfilled.
Lesson 3: Men and women may use similar words, but mean different things.
One day, Mary brings up the issue that Tom has been too busy to spend time with her. She says: “We never go out together!” As a result, Tom bursts out in anger, reminding her of all the times they did go out together and all the things he’s been doing for the family.
But when Mary uses the word ‘never,’ she doesn’t really mean never. She is trying to express her feelings about Tom not having paid attention to her lately. In Tom’s mind, however, she actually means ‘never,’ and he gets frustrated about her using this word.
On another day, Tom is overthinking an issue at work. Mary senses Tom’s tension and asks what’s wrong. Tom replies: “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.” Mary interprets this as a sign that things are not fine and that she needs to interrogate him further to find out what’s wrong. She keeps questioning Tom until he gets angry.
When Tom says “I’m fine,” however, he actually means that he is fine and wants to deal with his problem alone. Should he be in the mood to talk and ask for solutions, he’ll let Mary know when he feels like it. Mary doesn’t understand this, which leads to frustration and anger from both sides.
Men are often quite literal, women tend to use more words as mere expressions of a general feeling.
As a man, you can focus on the feelings of women rather than their words alone. As a woman, you can stop trying so hard to find the hidden meaning behind mens’ words because they’ll often say what they mean anyway.
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Review
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus addresses some of the most common relationship problems couples experience. It highlights the key differences between men and women in how they think, act, and communicate. Therefore, it is a good guide, but don’t take this book as absolute truth. Every individual is unique and some may not fall into these patterns. That said, the book provides solid examples and “aha” moments in your quest to figure out the opposite gender.
Who would I recommend the Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus summary to?
The 35-year-old husband, who wants to better understand his wife, the 28-year-old wife, who is eager to fight less with her husband, and anyone interested in recognizing the differences between men and women.