1-Sentence-Summary: The Charisma Myth debunks the idea that charisma is a born trait, outlining several tools and exercises you can use to develop a charming social appeal and magnetic personality, even if you’re not extroverted.
Read in: 4 minutes
Favorite quote from the author:
Who comes to your mind when you think of a charismatic person? Maybe you’re thinking of a celebrity, a friend or a colleague who impresses everyone. You may believe that these people were born with the gift of charisma whereas you don’t have the talent or the right personality to be charismatic.
What if I told you that you’ve been telling yourself a lie? Like any other skill, you can develop charisma no matter how uncharming you think you are. You do have to work on it, but with the help of Olivia Fox Cabane‘s The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism, you too can exude extreme confidence and charm if you practice the lessons given in the book.
Why should you care about being charismatic? Because it’s a key skill that will make you successful in all areas of life. It’s not just an essential skill for leaders and business people, it’s for everyone. Whether you’re a college student, an executive or an employee, the charisma skill will help you immensely in your personal and professional life.
So here are the top three lessons you can take away to start becoming more charismatic:
- The combination of presence, power, and warmth is the secret to charisma.
- To become naturally charismatic, you must find your charisma style.
- Your mental states can come in your way of becoming charismatic.
Let’s learn how to become more influential, more persuasive, and more inspiring today.
Lesson 1: Presence, power, and warmth are the key factors for developing charisma.
With the rise in never-ending distractions from smartphones and technology, the skill of staying present in a conversation is becoming rare. We all want others to understand and listen to us. So if you master the art of being present, you’ll distinguish yourself from the crowd and make people feel heard.
The other two components of charisma are power and warmth. We naturally give more importance to powerful people. When you combine that with warmth, you become super likable, just like a hero of any movie. It’s because warmth tells us how one will use their power, which makes all the difference.
So how can you develop the three traits? Eliminate distractions, use power posing and bring on gratitude, goodwill, and compassion.
The author gives us three visualizations to remember all three traits. First, imagine everyone has angel wings attached to them to remind yourself that everyone has good in them. Second, visualize the confident version of you or remember an event when you felt extremely confident. Lastly, when your brain loses focus in a conversation, focus on your toe and it will bring your attention to the present moment, which you can then direct towards the other person.
Lesson 2: Find your charisma style to stay yourself while developing charisma.
You don’t need to force charisma by copying it from another person. Everyone is unique and you can find your own charisma style that suits your personality, goals and the situation you’re in. There’s no “one-size-fits-all” solution for being charismatic. So knowing the different styles will help you pick your own style.
According to the author, there are four charisma styles. Focus charisma is about focusing on the other person and being fully present. A good example of such style is Bill Clinton. Visionary charisma helps people believe in a vision. Steve Jobs is a great example of this style. Kindness charisma makes you acknowledge and accept people. For this style, Dalai Lama is a perfect example. And authority charisma comes when you display the power to influence people’s lives. You can see this style in Bill Gates.
To decide which charisma style you should choose, you can follow certain rules suggested by the author. When in doubt, go with your natural style that you’re most comfortable with. Then consider the goal of the interaction or the situation of the event. For example, kindness charisma is best for delivering bad news while visionary and authority charisma styles are best when you’re giving a presentation.
Lesson 3: Charisma begins in your mind, so you must prepare yourself to face the internal obstacles.
The biggest charisma destroyers arise in your mind. They include self-doubt, impatience, annoyance, irritation, and so on. Your internal mental states influence your body language and words, which can make or break your charisma because they define how present, powerful and warm you’ll be in a situation. The author suggests some powerful tools to combat such internal obstacles.
The first is to dedramatize and realize that things aren’t that serious that you’re making them to be. Many people are going through similar obstacles and annoyances so you don’t need to feel unfortunate for being in bad situations. The second is to destigmatize discomfort, which means that you should allow yourself to have negative experiences or to feel the negative feelings because it’s a normal part of being a human.
Next, you can neutralize negativity by labeling them and realizing that your perception or thoughts do not represent reality, and they are skewed by many factors you’re unaware of. And last, you can rewrite reality using “cognitive reappraisal” which is about changing your perception towards negative thoughts or events to a more helpful one. Our brain makes us feel emotions based on the story we tell ourselves. So if you switch the story, you’ll change your mental state and dial your charisma back up.
The Charisma Myth Review
The Charisma Myth is an absolutely amazing book on social skills. It’s a fun, quick read that is packed with practical tips and covers the art and science of becoming more charismatic. The analogies, examples, strategies, and tools are helpful for anyone who wants to become more charismatic.
Who would I recommend The Charisma Myth summary to?
The 21-year-old man getting ready to start his career, the 38-year-old woman who wants to lead a team, and anyone who wants to be more charismatic.