1-Sentence-Summary: The 5 Love Languages shows couples how to make their love last by learning to recognize the unique way their partner feels love.
Read in: 4 minutes
Favorite quote from the author:
Anyone who has experienced romantic love can tell you that falling in love is easy. The hard part, especially in today’s world, is staying in love. So many couples drift apart. Distractions, conflicts, miscommunications, and boredom can get in the way of what was once a magical relationship. Staying in love takes work. Relationships need careful and attentive nurturing.
In The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, we learn the remedy for all problems modern couples face. Dr. Gary Chapman is a marriage counselor who has found a proven method for making love last. He has given 15 million people improved relationships by teaching them their love languages, and he will help you identify yours.
Here are 3 of the most lovely lessons from this book:
- As your relationship matures, communication is key.
- There are 5 different ways people give and show love.
- Identify your and your partner’s love language to deepen intimacy.
Are you ready to learn how to grow closer to the people you love most? Let’s learn how!
Lesson 1: As your relationship changes, communication will make it last.
Falling in love is amazing. There’s blushing, butterflies, flirting, and infatuation. We see the world through rose-colored glasses that can blur even our best judgment. As unromantic as it may sound, it’s driven by the instinctual drive to continue our species.
After around two years, however, those relationships based purely on romance will deteriorate. Reality creeps in, and couples start to have to work to meet each other’s emotional needs.
How do we make sure that we meet these necessities? Cultivate a relationship that allows for open and honest communication. As the excitement of new romance fades, we need to make sure that we can understand each other.
The best way to communicate as love matures is to find your companion’s love language.
Just like talking to someone who speaks an unfamiliar language, effectively communicating with your partner when you don’t speak the same love language is hard. The next lesson introduces us to the five different love languages to help you understand your significant other on a deeper, more intimate level.
Lesson 2: The five love languages are the different ways in which we express that we love someone.
Most languages have ways beyond words to express yourself. The same goes for love: There are different ways to show it. Here are five Chapman describes:
- Words of Affirmation. Words of praise and encouragement are a powerful way to share love for someone. To speak this language, you give verbal compliments often. Make sure they know you love their smile, their sense of humor, or that new outfit.
- Quality Time. Work and busy lives can get in the way of this love language all too easily. We can be in the same room as our partner and still fail to actually ‘be’ with them because of our electronics. The key to quality time is undivided attention. It can either be quality conversations or quality activities with your partner, like date night.
- Gift Giving. For some, gifts are a physical symbol of how their partner feels about them. Remember that it doesn’t matter how much it costs; it’s just the act of going out and getting or making a gift for your partner that will show them how you feel about them.
- Acts of Service. This is helping your partner with the things with which you know they would appreciate help. It can be things like helping the kids with homework, doing bills, or vacuuming, and will be different for everyone.
- Physical Touch. Even in infancy, humans need physical touch to thrive. We often forget, but this carries on into adulthood as well. Some ways you can express love in this way are holding hands, cuddling, kissing, or sex. Of course, find out what kinds of physical contact they like most, and this will deepen your intimacy.
Remember: There are many ways to show someone you love them. Be sure to use them all!
Lesson 3: To be closer with your significant other, learn each other’s love languages.
Now that you know the five love languages, you can figure out what your primary language is. Then, with the help of your partner, discover what theirs is.
Pinpointing your own is pretty easy: ask yourself what you most often request from your partner. Maybe you have been asking for help with the laundry or asking your partner if you both can put the kids to bed a little earlier so you can spend time together.
It can also help to think of what has made you feel most loved and appreciated in the past, whether it was a physical gesture, a gift, or a compliment.
Once you figure out what you enjoy, it’s time to find your pain points. Hurtful relationship experiences from your past can guide you to your love language. Think of times your emotional needs went unmet, or you were disappointed in a relationship.
It’s helpful to think of family relationships in childhood, because these shape the way we are as adults. If these experiences fall into the same category as a love language, like disappointing gifts, or a lack of time spent with you, then that is probably your love language.
After discovering your language, share it with your partner. Help them discover theirs. Once you both understand each other’s primary language, it will be much easier to meet each other’s needs.
You can help your partner feel more loved, appreciated, and understood the way it means most to them. Best of all, you can communicate to them how much you love them, and this will be the groundwork for building a fulfilling relationship that lasts.
The 5 Love Languages Review
The 5 Love Languages is essential for anyone who is in a serious relationship or ever plans to be in one. It will help couples understand each other better by teaching them how to find what their love language is. By explaining the love languages, it serves as a guide so couples can communicate better and build a relationship that lasts.
Who would I recommend The 5 Love Languages summary to?
The 40-year-old married couple who feels that their love is waning, the 26-year-old newlyweds who are wanting to set solid ground for their marriage, and anyone in a relationship or considering one.