1-Sentence-Summary: Spy the Lie is a collection of professional tips on how to more accurately detect when someone is lying to you through a combination of verbal and non-verbal cues.
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Favorite quote from the author:
Scientists estimate the average person lies about 200 times a day. Usually, it’s just to avoid conflict or hurting someone’s feelings, making most lies harmless. But at times, we desperately need the truth. If you’re a lawyer, CEO, interviewer, interrogator, or even just a concerned parent of a teenager, the truth is essential.
In Spy the Lie: Former CIA Officers Teach You How to Detect Deception, you’ll learn how the pros extract the truth from others. The authors have worked in the US government organizations like the CIA, Military Police, and the NSA. Their combined experience will provide you with valuable tools to help you next time you need to sort out the truth. The book will also help you get past your own biases and expectations about liars.
Here are the 3 most valuable lessons I learned from this book:
- It’s hard to spot lies because of the complex nature of communication and the biases we have.
- There are both auditory and visual cues you can look out for, and clusters of these indicate a lie.
- Be neutral and non-confrontational when questioning someone you suspect of lying, and try to coax more information than they planned to give to disrupt their game.
Are you ready to learn how to start spotting lies like a pro? Let’s learn!
Lesson 1: Lie detection is difficult because communication is complex and we have biases and expectations that throw us off.
One reason it can be hard to spot a lie is that it’s hard for us to focus on both verbal and nonverbal cues at the same time. It’s difficult to notice both on what someone is saying and what their body language is saying, making it easy to miss crucial clues.
Another problem is that we all have biases. Biases easily dictate how trustworthy we believe someone is, and it can make it hard to believe someone is lying.
An example of this was when a young girl in California accused a satanic cult leader of molesting many young children. He denied the accusations, but the public immediately was convinced he was guilty. It came out that her story was completely fabricated and everyone was shocked.
Their biases had made it all too easy for them to think the cult leader was lying. This is an example of why we can’t underestimate the power of our biases when we want to sort out the truth.
Lesson 2: People give both verbal and nonverbal cues when they’re lying, and you should look for clusters of these.
When people don’t have anything to hide, they give direct answers to direct questions. Liars, on the other hand, tend to try to reinforce your faith in them by giving strings of “convincing statements.” An example of a convincing statement is, “It’s not in my nature to do something like that,” or “No one would ever question my honesty.” While statements like these sound convincing, especially if they sound sincere, it’s important to not let them get you off track.
Here are more useful verbal cues of a lie:
- Repeating the question. This is done to buy more time to think, or because guilty people are more likely to find silence awkward.
- Failure to answer. If they start to feel like you know, they might clam up or pretend they don’t hear you.
- Overly specific answers. Liars tend to give complex and overly detailed answers to questions to sound convincing.
- Failure to deny. You should be wary if they don’t answer questions with a direct “Yes” or “No.”
- Non-specific denial. When they don’t respond to anything directly but instead use phrases like “I didn’t do anything.”
- Reluctance to answer. This is when they give you answers like “I don’t know if I can answer that question.”
- Inconsistent statements. A big clue, because it’s hard to keep lies straight.
- Going into attack mode. If they suddenly get angry when backed into a corner, this is a huge red flag.
Here are some visual cues of a lie:
- Nodding “Yes” but saying “No.”
- Throat clearing and swallowing.
- Hand-to-face activity.
- Hiding the mouth or eyes.
- Moving anchor points. Movement of the points that are giving them stability, such as the hands, feet, or buttocks.
- Grooming gestures. Adjusting tie, moving hair, etc.
While these cues alone do not mean someone is lying, they can give you a pretty good idea there is deception if they happen in clusters, and they happen a lot. Look for these right after the question, and remember to look out for both verbal and nonverbal.
Lesson 3: Be neutral and controlled in your questioning, and try to get them to give up more information than they planned.
First, make sure you are neutral and calm in your questioning. This way you can be sure the deception is a result of the actual question and not the way you presented it. Avoid asking the same question over and over, because this just makes it easier for them to repeat the lie every time, making it more convincing.
Another way to help coax the person into coming clean is to get them to give out more information than they planned. This throws them off of their game because liars usually set up a plan of all of the answers they are going to give.
If you only asked the questions they think you’re going to ask, it’s easier for them to recite the planned lies. A way to do this is to probe further by asking things like, “And what else?”
Spy the Lie Review
Spy the Lie is a great read for anyone who is interested in learning about how we can catch when we are being lied to. While the methods are very actionable, getting to the level of professionals would take a lot of practice. But for your average person, it’s really interesting, and you’ll probably be able to spot little lies here and there in your everyday life.
Who would I recommend the Spy the Lie summary to?
The 21-year-old studying criminal justice, the 44-year-old mother who wants to know if her troubled teen is lying to her, and anyone who wants to be better at spotting a lie.
Last Updated on July 23, 2023