1-Sentence-Summary: Set Boundaries, Find Peace lays out everything you need to know about boundaries and why they’re necessary for maintaining healthy relationships in your life.
Read in: 4 minutes
Favorite quote from the author:
People often find themselves in uncomfortable situations during their day-to-day interactions. These could range from inappropriate topics addressed at work to repetitive questions asked by your parents or hurtful nicknames given by your friends.
Whichever the case, you should address both minor and major inconveniences so that your relationships with people stay healthy. The best way to do that is by setting boundaries. Although you may feel like they create distance, it’s actually the opposite.
Clearly defining relationships is not an easy task, but the later we start, the more poorly formed attachments you will have to fix. And if you don’t start at all, you will have to put up with things you are not comfortable with, and that will bring frustration to your life.
Our most common misconception about setting limits is that we should be genuine and selfless and if we aren’t, people will consider us distant. Set Boundaries, Find Peace teaches you how to express your limits without seeming cold or distant.
Here are my three favorite lessons from the book:
- Setting healthy boundaries implies clear communication followed by action and mutual respect.
- Impose consequences on those who overstep your boundaries.
- Knowing your limits can help improve your self-awareness.
Lesson 1: Effective communication and reciprocation are the keys to setting healthy limits.
You’ve probably heard that communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Therefore, it is essential to be open about our particularities with everyone around us. When we don’t do that, passive-aggressiveness and frustration start to build up.
Staying quiet about what bothers us is a common issue. We are expecting people around us to just know what they’re doing wrong. Unfortunately, that is not how it works. We have to verbally assert our boundaries and then back them up with action.
Try to be as direct as possible, stating clearly what your expectations are. Make sure to reciprocate and kindly notify the person next to you if they do something wrong. Forgiveness and mutual understanding will build healthy relationships.
However, you have to define the line between forgiveness and foolishness. Depending on the people and their intentions towards you, you should look for ways to forgive when the relationship is worth saving and withdraw from it when it’s not.
Lesson 2: Be firm about your limits by imposing consequences on those who overstep their bounds.
Letting people know what your boundaries are it’s a great first step. Normally, you would want them to acknowledge your requests and act on them immediately. Unfortunately, your priorities are personal, so they might forget about them and go back to the old ways.
When minor inconveniences happen, don’t get upset right away. Good things take time, and you might have to remind people of your limits. However, there are certain boundaries, like not wanting to be physically touched at your workplace, that no one should cross.
If you find yourself in this situation, you have to impose firm consequences and stick to them. In some cases, you will find that it’s better to distance yourself and leave. You have no obligation to stay in a toxic environment and give certain people your time.
If you decide to end a relationship of any kind, you might feel remorse or sadness. Tawwab affirms that it is perfectly normal to have those feelings, and the best thing you can do is take care of yourself and look after your own well-being.
Lesson 3: Learn more about yourself by knowing what you accept and what you don’t from other people.
Poor boundaries will make you absorb other people’s emotions and take them as your own. In contrast, rigid boundaries will make you cold and lonely in the eyes of those around you. That is why you have to reflect on yourself first and find out what are the right limits.
It all starts with asking yourself the right questions for introspection. They can be something like: Am I comfortable with this? What is an example of a situation that made me feel uncomfortable? How do I want to be treated at my workplace?
We have to first know ourselves before we can present that person to others. Finding out the answer to this type of question will make you realize how to construct healthy relationships based on boundaries and help you learn more about yourself.
Keep in mind that boundaries are not just about saying no. They’re about creating the environment you want to live in and see who wants to be a part of it or not. When you think of it, it is more about saying yes to yourself, your mental and physical health.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace Review
The book connects with its readers instantly. It touches on a regular, yet sensitive topic. Setting boundaries shouldn’t feel as difficult as it does, and yet, people struggle to communicate with others about them.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace will teach you how to respect people and create boundaries to make them respect you. It will make you realize your potential, claim the freedom you deserve, and form healthy attachments with others.
Who would I recommend the Set Boundaries, Find Peace summary to?
The person who finds it hard to say no, the couples who need to re-establish healthy communication, or the psychology enthusiast who is fascinated by human relationships.